summer is so beautiful, the embodiment of relaxation and calmness (be it in the form of partying or sleep). i cannot wait to experience summer once again. it seems like all the summers past were just a waste of time. this year, i am going to fully use it to my advantage, and enjoy the many long hours i have to myself and with my friends. I'm determined to find my summer love and find true happiness. i heard the sweetest line today, or last night, its all a blur. but what the song said was that when this guy and his lover were together, he would always take his watch off so that they shared there time with no one but themselves, i don't know about you guys but i think that is absolutely amiable. So, picture time, picture above is the first picture i took of the summer sky. i kinda changed the angles so that the trunk of the great old tree would look like a road. which is what i hope my road through summer will be like. long, fruitful, and in the end, green and lush with yield. and summer will still be there. so the song. boy i hope ill be able to relate to that over the summer, its not that i need someone, its just a long for them. you know, loneliness is a poison to sanity, independence, not so, but loneliness yes. tomorrow is my last day of my sophomore year and i want to thank anyone and everyone that made it worth having and memorable. i cant believe how much i love the people at my school! they make it great. i went out today and had a good time too. i just want to remember my second to the last day as much as i can. carefully documenting each moment worth remembering with photography. tomorrow too will be just like that, but to an even greater extent. this will be a hopefully stirring, memorable, and sensational summer. i love you guys. goodnight! and have sweet sweet dreams

finals week, lots of stress but it seems like it subsided today. my teacher showed a ton of kindness to me when she told me that she genuinely felt i was intelligent enough to take her ap class so i feel really indebted to her. and then i got home early and the person i wanted to befriend didn't befriend me yet, but it was a step to even try. so i feel good about that. the rest of my finals are relatively easy and i don't worry very much. picture up there got taken at temple about thirty minutes before we even start praying, really patient people, to even stand there for 30 minutes. so, school is coming to an end and i plan to really be productive this summer and to be as impressive as i can. impressive as in making an impression, but what other definition is there? well, i cant put it into words well. and i listened to the same song all day, i don't get songs stuck in my head like some people claim but i do crave songs and today it was "your visits are getting shorter" by bloc party from infinity. i feel really parallel to it, i haven't done anything like i should and I've faltered to even care about anything i should this year. tomorrow, exam on Cyrano and to kill a mockingbird. what a good book tkm is. i love that stuff, even though its not very deep, unless you read it deeply, its got great brevity. i read like three novels in a week recently, boy meets boy, geography club, and St's of Augustine. really good gay novels. one of those few things i can relate to and it really helps improve the outlook on life. well, that's all for today. so sweet dreams everyone more tomorrow? 2 me up

summer

summer is almost starting and im really excited.v. i want to start clean next year when school starts and this summer is all about relaxation, contemplation, and producing happiness.i. i took a picture in chemistry a couple days ago. you can see it. its two gummi worms *yes, the high quality confection.n.* and there was only two left in the bag. it embodies a major goal this summer, i hope for someone to care for me. these two gummi worms symbolise love and that they're there for each other. something i don't have. i want it, yet im not looking, yet I'm wanting, its a hard to explain sensation but i think a majority of you guys know what i mean.c. the fear and stuff. im basically looking for some love but not even romantic love. i just need someone that can hear me out and totally know what i mean. its not that i dont have that, i have great friends for that like Christine and Hieu etc. but I'm looking for something specific.e. hopefully everything turns out well. sweet dreams you guys, more on the week tomorrow, if i remember to get on considering my two month long slump about blogging. sweet dreams!

FAR- so yes, i have not blogged in a while and this blog is quite different to my other blogs, in one way its just flat narrative, and to others it may come off as abstract. as tim gunn says "make it your own". the picture is a banana that ways tasty banana on it in Arabic, my best friend wrote it for me. So here's my lovely story. There is a boy that is infatuated. One lovely day he goes to her and sits down. he hugs her and thinks nothing of it. he doesn't think anything special will happen. after all, the boys week had been stagnant and he found nothing that would help him mitigate his life problems. Extemporaneously, a dark figure approaches and the boy thinks nothing of it. But the face of this dark figure is not one of anyone, it is indeed that of an Adonis. The figure comes to the boy and girl and embraces the two. however the boy is sitting in the girls lap and thus, feels almost all of the hug. Whatever goes through this boys mind will be written here and now, fresh as the blessings from a monk. The figures strong robust arms reached around the figure and embraced him, the boys mind was boggled and overwhelmed with sensations. the sheer closeness of the two, practically cheek to cheek. the redolence rising from the figure was sweet and pleasant, and as lasting on the mind as burning sandalwood, something remenescant of vanilla and cologne. the boy shook and quivered, not only was he shocked but he was in a state of euphoria. this figure was that which was admired for months on end and now finally true contact has been made, what an achievement for this boy. he holds on for what seems to be an eternity but alas it stops. whatever happened in that 20 or so seconds was so special to the boy that he felt a need to immediately record it in his mind *that which normally lets other important things fall out*. The figure was tall lanky and intimidating but yet so beautiful. the softness of the black coat the figure had could be felt on the fingertips of the boy and this truly was a revelation for him. why did the figure hold him? one hopes one will find out. perhaps theres a continuation to this story. whatever it was though, it was strong and flowing, the feelings that the figure brought to the surface from this boy was immeasurable. he shook and breathe deeply in only to shake as he released, this may have sent a message to the figure. and as he ledft he said "that's enough". so that's my story, individual isn't it? i can tell you though that i had a fantastic day and my day was made sweeter by someone. hm, maybe that picture has to do with the story, well whatever it is, have a goodnight and contemplate this

Things are not what they appear to be: nor are they otherwise.

-IS

went to temple this Sunday, in fact I'm still here, and i uploaded a picture of the prayer book. i had a long day yesterday, went to do service for 4 hours, shoveling heavy mulch in the sun, i know slightly what it feels like to do prison labour now. which reminds me, i need to wash my clothes. then i walked to my best friends house and i took a shower and i got picked up by another friend and we went to south coast plaza then American Apparel then Irvine spectrum. i arrived back at my fiends house and i walked to anothers. my phone died while i was in their neighborhood and i couldn't find their house. i met a sweet man and a woman and they helped me bring my phone back to life. its surprising how compassionate some people are nowadays. and then we went to a party, i liked it. over the night i had a really bad shoulder, it hurt so bad that i wanted to cry, and just about 4 hours ago it went away, thank lord Buddha. overall i had a good time. as well as i got a new jacket which i love, it feels soft on my skin and warm on my body. i have another blog coming tonight because i forgot to blog last night. its so interesting how yesterdays run in with compassionate beings coincides with today's lesson on compassion. i can hear the bells now. have a great day

I'm going out tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to it. i haven't been out in weeks and i am in desperate need of social activity. i also have a party as well and that is just the best. i had a lot of sweets today, i always eat sweets when I'm feeling down, who doesn't? but today can be described in one word : tenebrous " tenebrous: adj. dark or ominous". today was so devoid of liveliness and anything fun, on top of that i did things i regret, but that's all over now. i looked over my childhood today and modernized it by loading it onto my computer. the picture is one of me blowing out my candles on my third birthday. i decided to do something called picture a day, my favourite musician is doing it and i would like to partake. the idea started from an artist named Jamie Livingston, whom from 1979 to 1997, took a Polaroid a day, eventually documenting his battle and subsequent death of cancer. something like that is somber in idea but also so beautiful. to document your life like that, in the classic medium of Polaroid photos. thinking about that kind of makes me happy. I've been feeling to uninspired and abandoned of creativity recently. i hope something will come by and change things. until then. ill look up at the moon from my bedroom window

i came home from school today and i saw a box of twelve cupcakes on the table. neatly arranged like eggs in a carton. each with its own safe place to keep their icing from sticking. i wish humans could have that safety, from the evils of conservative society. today, one of my friends asked me if i was gay and i didn't know what to say, and i felt terrible. so i didn't answer, i wonder what impression i left. a lot of this blog is going to seem like a long long revolutionary rant, I'm extremely liberal and i feel so anti... conservatism. in my eyes, i see the founding powers of the conservative parties and churches to be the enemy, granted i don't act on it, but its how i see it. i don't prejudge you. but you see what society can wreak on a guy? we all need our egg/cupcake cartons don't we? consider me the coffee cupcake on the bottom right. the different one, will i get mistreated? that's left up to you and society. theres a deeper message to this. I'm pretty sure if you know me you know what I'm speaking of. but yea, hopefully tomorrow will be more fun. i have a birthday party for a friend on Saturday and that ll be fun. and today was totally devoid of homework, pretty awesome. sweet dreams like the icing on those guys up there.